Adolescence To Adulthood (To Be or Not To Be (An Adult))
I don't remember having a single moment of awareness that signaled the onslaught of adulthood. There was no feeling, elation or key factor that transformed me from child to adult. I woke up one day and realized, my kids are grown, I'm old enough to be a grandmother, I'm independent and self supporting. I must be an adult. When did the actual transition take place? I'm not sure. I think it is still taking place.
There are several rites of passage one goes through as the journey from adolescence to adulthood begins. Responsibilities become greater as more is expected of you. There are certain privileges open to the older adolescent; getting a job, learning to drive and getting a drivers license, obtaining a credit card. Some adolescents choose to smoke. Dating becomes more serious and having sex, an adult option, now becomes an option for the adolescent. I believe that as a young person begins to experience adult like privileges over a period of time, growing from these experiences, a transition takes place and the adult phase of life begins. It is not a magic moment and it does not begin once a person turns 18.
Having come from a two parent family and being one of five children, I was content and secure to remain as I was. My parents created a warm, secure environment for their children and we always knew we had a safe place to come home to. However, their parental discipline was authoritarian and they did keep the reigns tight. An example I can give you, was when I was 19 years old and my parents would not let me go to the drive-in with my boyfriend. I'm sure they had good reason for their decision, but it did reinforce the adult to child relationship, making me feel I was not capable of making my own decisions.
I was married at age 20 and a year later, gave birth to my first child. I became a responsible person, knowing that someone now depended upon me for almost everything. My children grew to number four and responsibilities became greater. I came to realize what personal sacrifice meant and I tried to create the warm home atmosphere my parents had created for me. However, I did allow my children more freedom to choose and participate in things that affected their life.
After several years passed, I remember asking my mother, when would I begin to feel like a mother. I think what I was really asking her, is when will I feel like an adult. I asked my friend, when did she first came to realize she had become an adult. She knew immediately. She told me it was when she was pregnant with her first child. The realization of responsibility of having and raising a child, allowed her to recognize herself as an adult.
Recognizing oneself as an adult is an individual thing. It does not happen at the same time for everyone. I would like to believe that reaching adulthood is a goal we continue to pursue. For if one can no longer perceive the child within, then one looses the concept of who we really are.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Friday, July 4, 2014
The Child
I remember the hill at 119th Street that was just around the corner from where we lived on Sixth Avenue. The warm weather would find the hill vacant of children, but with the first snowfall, came the excitement of neighborhood children, screaming, running and crying with delight, as they grabbed for their sleds and dragged the runner sleds up to the top of the hill, anticipating the ride down.
I remember a young girl with dreams and hopes of becoming the very best at whatever she did, standing at the top, her subjects obediently waiting until she gave the signal to start. Then all at once they were running and diving head first onto their sleds each one anxious to make the first run. Time and time again, she was determined to be the fastest, go the furthest and beat everyone back up to the top.
Dear child, sweet child as you are. You long to be "King of The Hill" and you will fight the last one who tries to take that away from you. The Wilson brothers are probably the best example I could use. You are determined to beat anyone who tries to do you one better. I say, there may be times when you have to give in to another person but that will not make you any less than who you are, for in order to win, you have to understand loosing.
Great things are going to happen to you as you get older, although you will find things won't always be easy. You will find yourself continually chasing the next sunrise, setting your goals too high, meeting challenges head on, and sometimes making wrong decisions. But you've got what it takes to get you through everything.
You are going to meet some wonderful people in your life who will help you grow in all ways. Compassion will be your virtue and many will seek your friendship for this reason. Some of these friendships will last a life time and some will cause you to hurt for a lifetime. You have the ability to listen and understand others and this will be your guide throughout your life.
Many people will not understand you and may even criticize and find fault in what you believe, though it doesn't really matter what other people think, as long as you believe in yourself. One day you will find yourself using your gifts to help others, and although you won't realize it at the time, you will be throwing some people a lifeline.
You are going to grow up embracing life and you already have a head start. You love to read, so read as much as you can, lose yourself in the story, feel yourself in the words, write poetry, write songs, experience the moment. Go ahead and be the child that you are and try to remember to keep that child with you as you begin to grow up. Too many adults forget about the child inside and as they grow up, they grow old.
Dear child, sweet child, remember who I am as I will remember you. I give these words to you to help you to remember.
Time has placed a distance in our lives and often time away can help us realize. Feelings will not disappear because you are no longer near. I'll forever hold you close throughout time.
The hill at 119th Street is once again covered with snow. The children race by me as each one tries to beat the other for the best spot at the top of the hill, each calling out for it. It has become harder for me to climb, every step causing my heart to beat faster, loud within my ears, and my breath is difficult to catch.
The child watches from a distance, at the top of the hill, as the picture fades from my mind.
I remember the hill at 119th Street that was just around the corner from where we lived on Sixth Avenue. The warm weather would find the hill vacant of children, but with the first snowfall, came the excitement of neighborhood children, screaming, running and crying with delight, as they grabbed for their sleds and dragged the runner sleds up to the top of the hill, anticipating the ride down.
I remember a young girl with dreams and hopes of becoming the very best at whatever she did, standing at the top, her subjects obediently waiting until she gave the signal to start. Then all at once they were running and diving head first onto their sleds each one anxious to make the first run. Time and time again, she was determined to be the fastest, go the furthest and beat everyone back up to the top.
Dear child, sweet child as you are. You long to be "King of The Hill" and you will fight the last one who tries to take that away from you. The Wilson brothers are probably the best example I could use. You are determined to beat anyone who tries to do you one better. I say, there may be times when you have to give in to another person but that will not make you any less than who you are, for in order to win, you have to understand loosing.
Great things are going to happen to you as you get older, although you will find things won't always be easy. You will find yourself continually chasing the next sunrise, setting your goals too high, meeting challenges head on, and sometimes making wrong decisions. But you've got what it takes to get you through everything.
You are going to meet some wonderful people in your life who will help you grow in all ways. Compassion will be your virtue and many will seek your friendship for this reason. Some of these friendships will last a life time and some will cause you to hurt for a lifetime. You have the ability to listen and understand others and this will be your guide throughout your life.
Many people will not understand you and may even criticize and find fault in what you believe, though it doesn't really matter what other people think, as long as you believe in yourself. One day you will find yourself using your gifts to help others, and although you won't realize it at the time, you will be throwing some people a lifeline.
You are going to grow up embracing life and you already have a head start. You love to read, so read as much as you can, lose yourself in the story, feel yourself in the words, write poetry, write songs, experience the moment. Go ahead and be the child that you are and try to remember to keep that child with you as you begin to grow up. Too many adults forget about the child inside and as they grow up, they grow old.
Dear child, sweet child, remember who I am as I will remember you. I give these words to you to help you to remember.
Time has placed a distance in our lives and often time away can help us realize. Feelings will not disappear because you are no longer near. I'll forever hold you close throughout time.
The hill at 119th Street is once again covered with snow. The children race by me as each one tries to beat the other for the best spot at the top of the hill, each calling out for it. It has become harder for me to climb, every step causing my heart to beat faster, loud within my ears, and my breath is difficult to catch.
The child watches from a distance, at the top of the hill, as the picture fades from my mind.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
The Masking Of The Innocent
Lights that burn through the dark night
reveal shadows and play hide and seek
until our fears bring us face to face with the image.
Looking back at who we are.
Stark naked in the glare of the stare.
Seeing what holds the truth, will hide from the light
and the light is only the beginning of the revelation.
Through the teaching of this masterful game
forced upon innocent minds, the young adapt,
as lords pretend, until greatness is achieved.
And the circle goes on forever.
We prepare a mask for the offering of the day
and put it in a safe place for the preparation.
Honesty becomes deceit. Sincerity misplaced.
And games have lost their youthful meaning.
Lights that burn through the dark night
reveal shadows and play hide and seek
until our fears bring us face to face with the image.
Looking back at who we are.
Stark naked in the glare of the stare.
Seeing what holds the truth, will hide from the light
and the light is only the beginning of the revelation.
Through the teaching of this masterful game
forced upon innocent minds, the young adapt,
as lords pretend, until greatness is achieved.
And the circle goes on forever.
We prepare a mask for the offering of the day
and put it in a safe place for the preparation.
Honesty becomes deceit. Sincerity misplaced.
And games have lost their youthful meaning.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
The Drive Into Reality
I find it hard to drive through the city sometimes.
In the heat of an afternoon scorcher,
the sun turns fading shadows into old men,
searching despairingly for something to do.
To be hungry.
To be lonely.
To be without.
In sweat stained clothing, scavenge garbage bins
of yesterdays entrees. Bent. Without pride.
Do not stare into my eyes pleading? Bleeding?
I turn away in total humiliation of I.
Young mothers in full bloom line the steps
of the giant tenemants that serve as castles
for families of this class.
Cling tight their sleeping babes that grow like weeds
between the ancient cracks of broken concrete.
Hold tight to your dreams, for repression blinds
and angers souls of the young and beautiful.
I find it hard to drive through the city sometimes.
In the heat of an afternoon scorcher,
the sun turns fading shadows into old men,
searching despairingly for something to do.
To be hungry.
To be lonely.
To be without.
In sweat stained clothing, scavenge garbage bins
of yesterdays entrees. Bent. Without pride.
Do not stare into my eyes pleading? Bleeding?
I turn away in total humiliation of I.
Young mothers in full bloom line the steps
of the giant tenemants that serve as castles
for families of this class.
Cling tight their sleeping babes that grow like weeds
between the ancient cracks of broken concrete.
Hold tight to your dreams, for repression blinds
and angers souls of the young and beautiful.
Against Time
We find ourselves in a place
Among the lonely?
Through the passage of time?
By choice?
Not.
By the chance that we made it?
We walked through the ages of others
and found a place to play.
Old one.
I am.
The one.
I left back there to become someone else,
Without laughter and passion.
An empty chamber.
To dream among the pines.
Again.
To wonder, to ponder.
Too clear the direction our destination becomes.
Our dreams?
Scattered with the wind,
Were never mine to play with.
Anyway.
Who told me I could?
We find ourselves in a place
Among the lonely?
Through the passage of time?
By choice?
Not.
By the chance that we made it?
We walked through the ages of others
and found a place to play.
Old one.
I am.
The one.
I left back there to become someone else,
Without laughter and passion.
An empty chamber.
To dream among the pines.
Again.
To wonder, to ponder.
Too clear the direction our destination becomes.
Our dreams?
Scattered with the wind,
Were never mine to play with.
Anyway.
Who told me I could?
Dark Corners
I dream in dark corners to dwell upon what has passed
to bring light to the center of my day.
The little feet that run through my mind
embrace feelings that were good. So long ago
and even still can bring a smile to my face.
The bundling of each little package unwrapped
by the hands of the clock, in splendid wonder displayed,
Reach out from the echo's of time to touch my heart.
I dream in dark corners to dwell upon what is mine.
A time capsule growing old too soon to know for sure.
Who I am in my reality and all I pretend to be.
Another name for mother, wife, loner, a lover
If I hadn't stopped to pet a dog or played a game.
Would you have touched my life? Oh guard of mine.
Stand tall and proud and protect me from wounds of the heart.
I salute you in defense of feelings I show to no one.
I dream in dark corners to dwell upon what will be
and frighten the spirits that inhibit my mind. Oh stranger.
My dearest stranger in the glass you know me well.
Through faults and feats to my deepest intimate thought.
You bring forth a warning that tells me to heed the call.
It is time to crow!
I search deep in dark corners to find places I've hidden.
A dim lit bar, a surfers net, a rock corner.
And for a brief moment when no one is around I am set free.
For Those Who Go Dancing Before Nine
Don't play no sad songs 'round here tonight
for the world seems brighter, somehow, in this light.
Believe what is out there, you foolish heart,
might even fool the young at heart.
Or so this feeling tells me.
Crowds and dim lights in the night
is where I aught to be.
Don't come 'round here with that look of warning
for I've made up my mind to attend such an event.
My shoes are shined,
face is polished,
smile in place,
my best dress laid out, waiting.
So summon my chariot!
For I will be the one that will spin their heads tonight.
Don't call out my name 'round here tonight
For my place will be empty
my trail still too warm
The music plays on in my head to Extreme
As I put out the light and turn towards the door
A young voice whispers,
"Doesn't she know? No one goes dancing before nine!"
Don't play no sad songs 'round here tonight
for the world seems brighter, somehow, in this light.
Believe what is out there, you foolish heart,
might even fool the young at heart.
Or so this feeling tells me.
Crowds and dim lights in the night
is where I aught to be.
Don't come 'round here with that look of warning
for I've made up my mind to attend such an event.
My shoes are shined,
face is polished,
smile in place,
my best dress laid out, waiting.
So summon my chariot!
For I will be the one that will spin their heads tonight.
Don't call out my name 'round here tonight
For my place will be empty
my trail still too warm
The music plays on in my head to Extreme
As I put out the light and turn towards the door
A young voice whispers,
"Doesn't she know? No one goes dancing before nine!"
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